Not a Typical Female

I pride myself on being weird. I believe it started out more as a defense mechanism against the bullies and jerks in elementary school. But in time I realized that weird is interesting. And I don't get easily distracted from something very interesting. 

Another aspect I have uncovered about being weird is that it frees me up to pursue almost anything. I don't worry about how it will look to society if I decide I want to wear neckties through part of middle school. I liked them therefore I wore them. 

Accepting my differences and even embracing some of them seemed to have an unexpected effect on the jerks and bullies. Honestly I'm not sure what specifically happened, but I think I became too difficult to deal with. When someone tells you that you are weird and will never be popular they expect you to be hurt and cower. My response was that I liked being weird and I was popular among my friends. Boy do I wish I could be this succinct as an adult! My heart was racing and I probably was having a wee bit of a panic attack. The jerk's face is difficult to describe but they never came directly st me again. Here's what I want to point out...I did not plan what to say or say anything specific to change the dynamic. What I did was to hide my worry and anxiety while simply telling them I didn't care. And I truly believe, and still do, everything I told this bully. By the way, this was when I was in 5th grade. 

I do wish I had the ability back then to analyze the situation and figure out how to translate it onto other situations. However I'm still struggling with that as an adult.

So embracing the weird and accepting how I see things is freeing and empowering, once I work through any anger and sorrow. It can be very lonely too. 

Truly not caring what other people think about me (which takes practice and doesn't always work) has allowed me to try anything that catches my interest. From making knives to making croissants. Taking apart computers and realizing that I can't yet accomplish how I want to reconfigure and reuse them. Why not? I mean, my brain isn't limited by my gender. And nobody has the right to tell me how to think and feel. 

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